SouthPark I see how you’ve changed the melody, however you have a slight mistake in the original melody. You play quarter notes:
D C F C followed by eighths D F Bb C F
However the actual melody Beethoven uses has a dotted quarter note and is a different note:
D C F. Eb(eighth) D F Bb C F
Btw., the original is in Ab, not in Bb as you play it but that doesn’t matter.
Now, you’ve replaced the D F Bb C F sequence with C D Eb F C. But you don’t play harmony, so it’s unclear how that change is working. Do you also change harmony?
Anyway, if you like it and find it an improvement then it is. For yourself. Not for me 😉 But it’s important that you have fun with it.